hello.
well to be honest life has been hell ..
not very good...
lame,gay,homosexual,stupid,fag,sucks,bitch,hoe,skank,slut that is how life is being right now.
i absolutaly dread school now.. i dread the fact that Caty's dog died. That dog has been apart of there family for EvUUr.
so Caty: i hope you get to feeling better about it and your mom.
things will get better.
well about school.. Boys have been boys.. and im still not over someone.. it sucks.. BADLy.. you think i would after almost 2 years. yup thats right 2 freaking years i have been fallen for this guy. everybody just tells me.. "get over him" "he is nothing" "you deserve better" but to be honest its really hard to get over him and im sure EVERYBODY has had there problems or either sick of hearing peoples problems.. but this is real.. and im older now and i see things very different then i did the last years.
Last year going out with a guy was just having a boyfriend not taking it serious.. but this year has been extremly hard.
Im haveing feelings for people i thought i never would.
My grades our not doing good. im failing alot of classes. and it just seems im just not caring about school anymore and i know i need to because everything seems to base around grades.
im getting into alot of trouble with my teachers and parents.
starting to get in things that i shouldnt be getting into.
i DREAD school. i hate knowing i have to wake up and be at school. seems like a waste to me. You know you spend 8 hours at school then they expect you to spend another 2 hours on homework at home. You do your work at school then when you go home that means you Are DONE you shouldnt have to have school alllllllllllllllllllll day.
it seems like everybody has there future planned.. what college there going to and what they want to be.. and me.. i have nothing..
I know what i WANT to do that i really have no chance whatsoever. I just want to be able to be ok when i get older.. not perfect but just ok..
I dont know im just pretty much confused about things.
everything. im always about hurting someone.
my friends,boyfriends,X's, my family.
My dad always yells at me when i get home.
he wont shut up.
and my best friend Paula is going through crap. She gets in trouble for getting a grade that is in the 90's.. i would kill to have all grades like that. But whatever.
i do have my best friends Paula and caty and Durbin.
i dont know about Alyx anymore.. we dont seem close anymore.
but i guess thats just what happens when things change.
Im just super tired of feeling this way it hasnt been good for me for a long time things havnt looked up like EVERYBODY says..
i have been putting things in gods hands and it obv. doesnt work so im taking it all back and ill deal with it by myself. I dont need him to fix it anyways.
another thing im tired of. is when people say there in love with someone when they dont even no what the heck love is.. they think they no but they dont. ooo im in love with someone i have known for 8 min. WHATEVER! thats so lame get over yourself and grow up there is a difference between likeing someone ALOT and lust.. then the same as In love with someone.
btw.. i think thats cool looking..
well thats all i know what to say..
i dont like xanga i dont like my space.. idont like alot of things right now. BUT i will get over it one day. i dont know when the hell when.. but sometime.
***and Dont leave me comments about how you feel bad and feel better and crap.. just dont worry about leaving me those kinda of comments.***
Ashleigh | 
